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Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy loss is a unique and often 'alone' event in a woman's life. Healing is helped through understanding and dealing with any physical and emotional changes.
Physical recovery occurs quite quickly while emotional recovery may take a little longer. Some women experience little or no emotional upheaval while others experience feelings of sadness, depression, anger, or guilt. All of these feelings of grief can diminish over time if you can "reach in" and allow your grief to surface. Working through feelings of grief can take a short time to many months.
You may not always have support from family and friends or it may not be enough. If you need to talk to someone, there are skilled people in your community. Ask for a referral from your doctor or community health nurse, or select someone from our list of resources. In the hospital, you will come into contact with nurses, possibly a hospital social worker or a chaplain who can help. After you go home, you will receive a telephone call to see how you are doing.
You may experience many feelings at this time. These feelings may include numbness, shock, confusion, exhaustion, disbelief, anger, fear, isolation/aloneness, pining/yearning, responsibility/guilt feelings, sadness, and even depression. The intensity of these feelings can range from mildly bothersome to quite overwhelming. Recent studies show there is often no order or sequence to grief and that different feelings surface at different times throughout the bereavement period.
As all losses are not the same, neither are all reactions to grief. You may have other losses or needs occurring in your life at the same time and you may require further support and information.
In the past, early pregnancy losses were not well understood. It is difficult to make future family planning decisions at this time and it is best left for when your grief is less intense.
You may feel physically and emotionally drained while grieving. Take time out. Make arrangements for private time and rest. It is important to grieve the loss of this pregnancy before planning another.
Find out more about our services and resources available in your community.
Your PartnerYour partner also suffers the loss of this pregnancy and can experience many emotions and feelings. This can be a very difficult time for partners since they may feel there is little they can do to help.
Partners may feel left out since the focus of attention is with the hospitalized woman who has experienced the physical loss. However, the partner who is not hospitalized may experience loss and grief in a personal and private way. Traditionally, men have been expected to remain outwardly strong to support his partner. He may hide feelings of sadness and loss as he tries to support his grieving partner. It is important that each partner not blame the other or themselves for the loss.
Couples experiencing grief over a pregnancy loss often discover that their responses are different from one another. No two people grieve alike or at the same time. This is normal. However, it can place a strain on your relationship if not recognized. Talking about differences with each other can be helpful.
Partners may also play an important role in telling the other family members (including children) what has happened and what will happen in the immediate future. It is important that you discuss how to handle questions from children, family and friends.
Your ChildrenChildren are unprepared for loss. They need both patience and love in helping them to understand. How much your child can understand depends on your child's developmental readiness. Generally children deal best with loss if they are given information that is appropriate for their age. There are booklets especially prepared for children. Some are listed in our resources section. A social worker is available to help you prepare your children for this loss.
Recurrent Pregnancy LossBC Women’s helps women and couples experiencing three or more miscarriages, a late pregnancy loss, or women over 35 years with two miscarriages. A team of health professionals, including doctors, nurses, technologists, and counselors work together. As well, this team teaches other health care colleagues about recurrent pregnancy loss. The Reproductive Medicine program provides care for women and couples throughout B.C. and Western Canada.
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